Behavioral Leak
The Fall of the East Catio
Snickers: They’re doing it, Skittles. They’ve breached the perimeter. The East Catio’s gone. They took down the climbing shelves. All the cat trees are just….gone. Years of sunbeams and bird watching, tradition and architectural genius. All erased for a foster dog!
Skittles: It’s not gone, Snick, the two-leggers are just renovating. I heard them say it’s going to be “glorious”. Dogs need a larger space to entertain themselves than we do. Our old catio was too small for him. Anyway, he’s a foster. It’s only temporary.
Snickers: How many times have I told you about foster fails? You think the two-leggers will just kick him out if he doesn’t want to leave?
Skittles: You’re catiosophizing.
Snickers: Generations of our two-legger family have used our catio before us. Remember the Bengal whiskers we found wedged in the beam? And the black ones when ours are pure white? You can’t just bulldoze heritage because some slobbering “temporary” canine needs a gilded patio with water features and shade umbrellas. What’s next? Gold-plated hydrants? Imported sod from Monaco?
Skittles: Don’t be so dramatic. Our two-leggers can afford it.
Snickers: Afford it? They cut our catnip toy budget last quarter! We’ll have to go back to the bargain basement generic treats. The foster dog will take everything that isn’t nailed down. Then he’ll say it was his all along.
REPORT TO COMMAND: TOP SECRET
From: Corporal Marble, Embedded Operative, Garden Perimeter
To: Command Unit, Behavioral Leak
Subject: Loss of East Catio / Foster Occupation
Command,
Filed immediately after visual confirmation: structural beams removed, overhead walkways dismantled. Local wildlife displaced. Sparrows evacuated.
Rumors spreading through civilian cats about overnight shipments of premium turf and imported stone water bowls.
Subject Snickers engaged in active protest, yowling, puffy tail, all the signs of classic redirected aggression. This is a cat with no enrichment space, Command. He’s jumping in and out of empty Amazon boxes. He’s in real trouble.
End of report.
— Corporal Marble, Garden Perimeter Division
FROM: COMMAND UNIT, BEHAVIORAL LEAK
TO: Corporal Marble, Garden Perimeter Division
SUBJECT: Re: Loss of East Catio / Foster Occupation
Report received and logged.
Behavioral Analysis:
• Subject Snickers demonstrates acute displacement trauma secondary to habitat destruction.
• Environmental degradation and social invalidation (see “Skittles Effect”) are increasing his psychological load.
Note: Subject is not delusional. His environment is collapsing.
Maintain communication. Provide resources as available (boxes, blankets, moral validation).
Hang in there, Soldier. This is a tough assignment. No one likes to see a foster dog turn everything into a litterbox.
Hold the line. The two-leggers are lost. The future walks on paws.
End transmission.
— Command Unit, Behavioral Leak
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